Solving the Cookie Conundrum
by Kiri Jorgensen - Publisher and Senior Editor
I recently saw a social media post where a woman decided to leave her husband because he didn’t purchase her favorite cookie when he went grocery shopping. She explained that when she shops, she ALWAYS buys both her favorite and his favorite cookies. So, when he went shopping and only came home with his own favorite cookie, she knew he didn’t really love her.
I was quite surprised by this reasoning, but even more surprised by how many commenters agreed with her. They were cheering her on to divorce her husband, using a cookie purchase as the indicator.
I don’t know about you, but I see so many things wrong with this story. I realize that there is always a lot more to the situation than a social media post will show, but the level of shelf focus portrayed by this wife is quite stunning to me. I was raised to view close relationships (especially a marriage relationship) as a 100% give from both sides. Should he have brought home her favorite cookie? Yes. Should she be grateful that the grocery shopping got done at all? Yes.
Throughout history, people have been selfish, self-focused, and self-centered in their relationships. Friendships suffer, marriages suffer, and families pay the price. Our modern world is especially adamant about making sure we create and expect ‘me’ experiences. To what end?
People in happy marriages – like me – can tell you what makes them happy. It takes high degrees of mutual toleration, commitment to serving your partner, and grace. That’s what lasting love looks like. And it works.
How do we teach our children to view serving their friends as more important than serving themselves? How do we prepare them for a lifetime of happiness instead of self-focus? The key is in the example we set, and deliberate teaching about what makes relationships work.
As your young children are learning to navigate friendships, look for opportunities to discuss the positive qualities of the other person. Look for moments when there is a need to be filled. Help your child feel the happiness found in serving their friends. Consistent modeling and intentional discussion about seeing the good and acting on the needs of others will go a long way toward laying a foundation of happiness for your kids.
Teaching your kids to ‘be a friend’ instead of just making sure they ‘have friends’ is a vital step in pushing them away from the path of me and onto the path of we. And when they are on that path, it won’t even matter what kind of cookie is in the grocery bag.