Get the Picture

by Crystal Brinkerhoff- Social Media Marketing Director

Photo by Christian Wiediger on Unsplash

A few of our Chicken Scratch Books feature photography as a hobby that the main characters are exploring and learning to love while also learning valuable life lessons through the course of their journeys. And each one serves as a reminder to me that I don’t get in front of the camera often enough to record my own journey.

I’m so busy behind the camera taking shots of my kids growing and changing and developing into these cool humans, I forget to document all of the growth and change I’m making too.

The camera has never been an easy thing for me to get in front of. I feel self-conscious and I only see my flaws in the end result. An eye is too squinty, or my baby tummy fills out my shirt more than I realized, or my smile is crooked. There’s always something I spot, whether others see it or not.

But here’s a little secret I’ve discovered about myself. I have a terrible memory. I have many beautiful moments in my life, and I think I’ll remember them forever. It’s a lie I like to tell myself. Then life comes along and adds more moments. My brain can only fit so much information. I guess in making room for the new memories I lose the old ones. 

A few years ago I stumbled across some old video footage with my kids. My toddler, who is now in college, was chattering away about something and the baby, who graduates high school this year, was burbling happily on my lap. Their voices haven’t been that high in many years! But it was my response I’m grateful to have recorded. I’m laughing and talking sweetly to my boys. Years later I’m so happy to have evidence of that because so often I just remember the hard parts of parenting little kids. How tired I was, and how I wish I’d been more patient. I’m painfully aware of all the ways I fell short as a parent especially when my kids were young. 

But in this short video clip there’s proof that sometimes I did get it right. We made each other laugh and enjoyed being together. I hope my kids remember me being that way with them. I know I’m grateful for the reminder. 

I have a picture of me holding my second baby just moments after he was born. I’m wearing glasses, my hair is wild and loose from its bun, I’m sleep deprived from laboring all night, and quite frankly, I look kind of stunned at this whole delivery experience even though he wasn’t my first baby. But that photo has become one of the most precious ones I own. Not just because it caught the sweet tiny baby curled up on my chest. But because it caught me at such an important moment. This was a moment my life changed. Again. Just like it has over and over and just like it will for as long as I live. 

Time and perspective have a tendency to take away that harsh inner critic. Instead of the flaws I saw years ago, I now see a woman growing and changing and developing into something more than she was. I see a woman at the beginning of adventures she could scarcely understand at the time. 

I say this more to myself as much as to anyone else. Get in the photo. Embrace the video. Let the mommy tummy be a part of the picture. Let your smile be crooked. Let your flaws show. You don’t have to look at them right now if it’s too hard. Sometimes all I can see in a current picture is everything I’m not. But I promise that doesn’t last forever. Your future self will be much kinder and look back fondly on these moments, grateful to have them. Grateful to remember.