FOMO – All the Public School Kids are Back in Session
by Erin Edwards - Social Media Marketing Director
Kids across the nation are back in school. For homeschool parents this means the playgrounds, nature preserves, and museums are deserted except for the very young and the homeschooled.
Homeschoolers look forward to this time of year after sharing spaces all summer long, but are there some aspects of public school that they feel they are missing out on?
I often pass an elementary school on the way home from my favorite morning hike. This year on the first day of school, parents were gathered around the fence watching the children line up according to grade, to head inside for a day of learning. Moms waved; Dads smiled. It was cute. It also made me a little sad, not because I miss my littles, or regret our life choices. I felt sad for these moms and dads missing out on this precious time with their children. I wondered if they had any apprehension as they watched their children walk away behind chain link fences and secured buildings.
According to this Washington Post article homeschooling is still the fastest growing form of alternative education, even as shutdowns are a thing of the past. The Post has homeschooling growth charted at 51%.
Even with homeschooling on the rise, it’s not homeschooling posts we’re inundated with this time of year. Anyone with friends of school age can log onto their favorite social media sites and the main theme is “back to school” photos with children heading off to public school.
I wonder if this time of year causes any FOMO (fear of missing out,) for homeschooling parents.
I’m older, and I’ve been in “the game” for a long time, but I tried to ponder on any ways I felt I missed out when I pulled my kids from public school. I came up with a few…
I miss being able to banter.
I run with a lovely group of women a couple of times a week. These women send their children to public schools. Often the discussions turn to school concerns. Johnny has Mr. Smith and he is confused about the late work policy, Suzy has Miss Jones and she doesn’t explain the math problems in a way the kids can understand. Gabe and his mom were up late into the night finishing a big project she just found out was due the nest day. The list goes on and on, and I have zero to contribute to the conversation. Sometimes these conversations last for half of our run. I really wish I had a complaint just to be able to join in.
It’s nice to be able to complain in unity.
I miss feeling confident in public schools.
Tradition is something we value. I went to public school and although I didn’t love my junior and high school experiences, they weren’t terrible.
When my husband and I started a family, we felt comfortable with the idea of sending all our children off on the big yellow bus. This is a right of passage. I daydreamed about the day I would have the house to myself for hours. I would be able to clean, organize, volunteer and even go back to work in a matter of years if I just put in the time.
The awakening to reality was as rude as finding out Santa wasn’t real.
I recently read and article titled “Why I send my children to public schools,” by a Mr. Robert Niles. He broke his case for public school into 5 key points. The first was “Public schools work,” his fourth point was “Public schools are for everyone.”
To Mr. Niles I say neither of these points are true.
Public school does not work if your child has any kind of neurodivergence. Public school does not work for kinesthetic learners. Public school does not work for children that are slower to read. Public school is not for little kids that need to run around for longer than they are sitting down.
I learned this the hard way when my son’s third grade teacher suggested I homeschool. I scoffed at the idea. “How dare she!” was my first thought. The school had students with a variety of needs. Why did my son, who was clearly intelligent, as the test scores indicated, need to leave this public institution?
The reason my son needed me to suck it up and take him home to learn was because public school is designed for a typical student. Anyone who falls outside a very small box will struggle.
The fantasy was that I would send my children away for a few hours every day and they would have a mostly positive experience and be more intelligent than they were the day before.
The reality was my son was coming home more distraught every day, and school was dumbing him down. He wasn’t allowed to race ahead at a pace that kept him focused, and so he would sit and stare at his pencil. All. Day.
I wish I could say that I miss alone time, but even now I rarely experience it unless I head out on the trails with my trusty dog. Our home is well used and there is always someone here. I started homeschooling before they were all old enough to attend public school and we haven’t looked back.
I have FOMO about conversations and FOMO of imaginary schools that really work for my kids and all of their learning needs.
I reached out to my homeschool community and asked them if they had any FOMO this time of year.
Maxine wrote;
“Going back to school in the fall was new classes, new teachers, old faces, new faces, new locker…I thrive on novelty and my kids don’t experience that. We have homeschooled for 10 years, and I don’t regret it…but I wish they got to experience that little sense of reunion in the fall.”
Lori wrote;
“I miss being able to have a couple hours to myself to get things done quicker, but I find I'm happiest when I'm doing things with my children. But I have children in public schools, college and being homeschooled. My two children in high school are covering what my 6 yr old is learning in science right now, so it's nice that everyone can participate in dinner conversation and my 6 yr old being able to keep up and be accurate with the facts.”
Jennifer wrote;
“Every year, as public school starts up again I have my own little anxiety fit when I question whether or not I’m doing the right thing. This year was the first time I didn’t have that same feeling of anxiety. I don’t know that I would wonder so much at public school being the right thing if that is where they went. At this point, 5 years into our journey, I’m used to being alternative. I’m used to the discomfort of being different. I think that maybe the thing I might be missing out on is the lack of anxiety because if they were in public school, I don’t think I’d know what I was missing (if I had never homeschooled). If they were heading to school, I think my hard would be missing them, instead my hard is answering “how do I best teach them?” I guess it’s a “choose your hard” type of situation for me.”
Overwhelmingly, the homeschoolers in this sample did not have FOMO, but I appreciated those that shared what they did miss.
When Maxine wrote mentioned “reunion” in her comment it made me think about putting on my very favorite outfit for that first day of school. The smell of new cotton. Shoes that were scuff-free. Brand new notebooks, fresh pencils, clean backpacks. The newness of the classroom and the POTENTIAL. I loved the potential that every new year had.
My children didn’t experience some of those things.
It’s okay to have FOMO.
My list of reasons “why” continued to get longer every year I homeschooled my children, that is why I continued to keep them home as others waited at bus stops, sending theirs off every morning.
I don’t think those parents waving at the school fence love their children any less than I love mine. I saw love on their faces as I drove by. I saw love and a similar hope in wanting our kids to have all the opportunities available to them.
In the end we are all just doing the best we can with what we know.
Erin